It's Friday. Woot! What does that mean?
It's time to exclude. Ruthlessly. Today we are asking all owners of the Hummer to please, for you own safety, leave.
We've done extensive studies into the connection between taste in cars and taste in music. The results were very surprising. Here's what we've found.
- (Used) Volvo Station Wagon owners have an 86% chance of enjoying our music. The chances are raised to 93% if the paint is chipping and it hasn't been washed in a month or two. Even more encouraging, if the car has a diesel engine converted to running on cooking oil, 99.7% of owners liked us.
- White Sedan owners have a 75% chance of enjoying our music. If the car is American the chances are lowered to 62%. If it's a Toyota or a Honda, they're raised to 84%. If it's a Hyundai, they're raised to a favorable 91%.
- BMW Mini owners by and large responded very well to our music, 82.3% likely to enjoy it.
- While listening to our song "Crash and Burn," Several owners of raised Chevy Silverado w/ Monster Truck Wheels actually fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into telephone poles. Only 8% said they enjoyed it (7.5% of those may have been delirious from suffering major head trama)
- Chrysler Town and Country owners showed a surprising lack of interest in our music, with only 50% reporting that they liked it. Our expert sociologists have suggested that the results may be skewed because of the presence of tyranical children crying for The Wiggles in the back seats while their parents were trying to listen to our songs. Although we believe this data is skewed, we have chosen to include the data anyway for tracking purposes.
- Owners of Honda Civics were 66% likely to enjoy our songs. The number fell dramatically to 31% if they had installed any or all of the following: NOS, rear wing, 17+ in. wheels, Lamborghini doors, cold air intake, under glow, or lowered suspension.
- Unfortunately, we were never able to interview the Hummer owners. They were run over by the drivers of the converted diesel Volvos. They said that anyone who drives a Hummer deserved it for ruining the environment and causing Global Warming.
Thanks to everyone who participated. Oh and if you were injured during the survey, bill us.
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